I wrote my draft, and I decided to keep it this way — I think I’m back (well, I hope so.)
When words aren’t enough…
Thank you again for sticking around,
Gia ☁️
P.S. Music in the video is Paranoia Purple - Yebba 🪐
I wrote my draft, and I decided to keep it this way — I think I’m back (well, I hope so.)
When words aren’t enough…
Thank you again for sticking around,
Gia ☁️
P.S. Music in the video is Paranoia Purple - Yebba 🪐
Long time no see! How have you been? Please tell me you’ve been having a crazy year, too.
I disappeared for a few months because I got COVID in March (and I tested positive on my birthday). And after that, everything just got even more hectic at work and in my personal life. And it’s funny because, as I am writing this newsletter, I’ve tested positive again for COVID. I’m starting to think this is how the universe forces me to stop and reset.
This wasn’t how I wanted to slide into your inboxes again. I actually wrote a rough draft of this newsletter while I was in Korea the past week. I wanted it to be this ~magical~ comeback, but a lot happened while I was there: our country had to brave another storm, and in Korea, hundreds of young souls were lost due to the Itaewon Halloween Crush.
Everything that happened recently reminded me of how precious life is and to really make each day count.
I booked my tickets to Korea in April and I’m so happy I was able to hop on the plane and breathe in Seoul air.
Going back to Korea for the first time in three years was overwhelming. Before the pandemic, I would always visit Korea every year since 2016 — almost like an annual pilgrimage. So this trip was especially important to me. You can bet that I cried when the cabin crew said “Welcome to Korea!”
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For the first time in a long time, I really put myself first and did not work at all. I deleted my email app and muted my Slack app because I really wanted to rest and not think about work for the two weeks that I’ll be resting.
But of course, on the first day of my annual leave, I already felt so guilty; it took a lot of me not to check anything work-related. Although I did slip a few times to check on my colleague, I made sure to trust that they’ll be okay without me.
And I must say, waking up and not thinking about work has been the best feeling. Yes, the guilt would always linger close by, but I knew I needed this break. The people around me knew I needed to get away from everything for a bit.
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Walking the streets of Seoul reminded me of how much I wanted to live there. And to my surprise, it inspired me to work on more of my personal stuff; thanks to the small business owners I met — they were 100% themselves and it really inspired me to spotlight the things I want to do.
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Something I have to work on from now on is to stop pushing myself too much. If I push myself too hard again, the burnout will be ten times worse.
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I’d be lying if I told you that I’m not worried about going back to work. I feel like I have to warm up again and re-oil my gears, but I’m glad I was able to take a long breather (albeit being sick right now, but it’s okay, I’ll take it easy). I’ll be back again soon. (Sooner than you think).
✳︎ Some prompts for November:
What does rest mean to you?
Are you giving yourself enough credit for the work that you’ve done throughout the year? Why?
✳︎ If you missed it, please check out my beautiful conversation with Arabella. She talks about her relationship with her art, self, and her mom.
✳︎ Help Take Care of Arabella’s Mom — Tita Susan is a lightning bolt! If you have the time, please take the time to learn more about Tita Susan and how you can help Arabella take care of her mom. She’ll also be having
✳︎ Grouphug is 9 months old. 🥲
✳︎ The Book of Form & Emptiness by Ruth Ozeki — I would like to thank A Little Life for popping my thick-book cherry because I really enjoyed this book. Nobody writes like Ruth Ozeki.
✳︎ A really good friend of mine brought my partner and me to this quaint Makgeolli House and Boekdakbang, and it’s easily one of my favorite places in Seoul. The menu is full of the owner’s mom’s recipes and he serves natural Makgeolli – one of which he made himself and looks and tastes fancy as fuck!
✳︎ I started a paper project a few years ago called Noodle, and this Seoul trip made me want to work on it again, especially after dropping by Mushroom Paper Farm and All Write.
✳︎ We were vibing to this song at the onground_gallery music bar while sipping on Gin & Tonic and enjoying a can of (pretty sure they were pricey) sardines, cheese, olives, and jalapeños.
✳︎ If you want a good cry, I 110% recommend 20th Century Girl. It’s on Netflix. That’s all I’m going to say.
I guess that’s it for now. I’m sorry if this newslette feels a bit all over the place, but I just wanted to drop by quickly and say hi.
I’ll see you in a bit, and please, please, take it easy.
All the love,
Gia
January felt like forever, right? But I hope you’re doing well and you’re savoring the last bit of cool breeze before we enter the hot summer months.
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I’m going to make this catch-up really quick: big changes have been happening.
I’d be lying if I said I’m not feeling overwhelmed because I really am. But the thing is, it’s the best kind of excitement and fear—like I know the rewards would be worth the tears and mild panic. Especially since one of the biggest changes that’s happening at the moment is one that I kept running away from.
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Coffee was such a touchy subject for me the past few years. I quit my coffee job before the pandemic, thinking I’ll be able to pursue a career in coffee abroad. But the pandemic, like many of us, changed my plans.
It was such a battle dealing with my ego when I wasn’t making coffee anymore. I’m not the best at it, but I made coffee my world. My whole coffee life became my routine, and suddenly, I didn’t have it.
So, letting go of that “life” was challenging for me. I had to strip the “identity” that I made of myself (if that makes sense) and start fresh again. But the funny thing is, even if I would constantly resist the idea, opportunities in the coffee world would always sneak their way back into my life.
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I’ve only recently started welcoming coffee back into my life. This time, however, coffee and I are taking it slow. Many gears need re-oiling, lots of (life and mindset) calibration that needs to be done, and some things to unlearn, learn and re-learn, but I’m looking forward to making mistakes again and coming back from a long hibernation.
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If you’ve known me for years, you know my struggle with this. But I want to let you guys know that I’ll be dancing behind the bar again soon, and I’m excited about that.
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Not gonna lie, I’m terrified—but it’s the good kind.
Arabella is one of my best-est friends, and for this month, I spoke with her about her relationship with a lot of things in her life—her art, herself, and with her mom.
Also, I decided to record our conversation — much like an “audio archive” — so we have something to look back to in the future. I won’t be uploading the whole conversation in this newsletter, but it will be out someday! I’ll be uploading a snippet of my conversation with Arabella on Instagram, so it might be best to follow The EverythingEverything, too!
Pro Tip: Best to read this with a glass of wine or a fresh, hot cup of masala chai.
On your relationship with your art
Now that we’re all forced to slow down, has your artistic philosophy changed? Are you making art differently now? How has your relationship with your art evolved from when you started?
We're almost in our second year of being in a state of haywire. During the first lockdown, I was able to embrace that kind of slowness in which I was able to tend to myself and do things for myself that I kind of neglected because I felt that having to pause was a communal experience. Now I don't think it isn't anything like that anymore the world started moving again in some ways and we all have different sets of cards we have to deal with and the question for me I would say is how do I carry the things that sharpened me back in 2020.
Back when I was beginning to make images and stringing words together I had a sense of control in whatever it was that I made, an upper hand if you will, I guess it came with the territory of being young and being able to make something in an impulse. There's a lot of joy in that kind of freedom.
The year before the pandemic was very transformative for me, a kind of baptism of fire. I don't think I was deliberately extending my experiences towards my art but naturally, it reflected the space where I was at that time. I shared my writing on Medium during that year and I noticed in most of the pieces I wrote, I wrote in fragments and now I have just forgotten to write altogether. Kidding. I assume the fragments came from the need to understand while not having a grasp of whatever it was I was writing about and so writing was kind of making amends. Now, I don't want to be consumed by that wanting in "trying to understand"—now, I just want to be able to bear witness.
In a way, you can say it's still allowing for the gray areas of those fragments but also finding resolution in that in-betweenness. I think I am learning a lot more today, so much more than I was years back. I feel like I'm in a transitional period where I have to tie the loose ends from all that I have been gathering for some time now. I have been asking a lot of questions and trying to see which question can lead me to a place I want to go. Though it's much harder to pick up a pen or just bring my camera everywhere with me sometimes because I have a life I am trying to master and sometimes it's difficult to make art when all you want is a good night's sleep. Though I'm very hopeful in the next years of what will become of my art because a lot of things haven't worked out in the way that I wanted them to and yet I am still here trying to write some lines and show you some of the light falling and I feel more vulnerable this way of having done and not having succeeded yet, it humbles me and it makes me want to know what will come after all this but first, I need to get over the fear in showing a bit of what I have been making because I was so used to just going at it alone.
You also have a background in literature—how has this influenced your work?
I was able to learn from brilliant professors back then and they really showed me a certain kind of rigor and paying attention towards language and I am still trying to pull off that kind of diligence towards my work. Also, I will always say that everything is a poem. Poetry really enraptured me.
On your relationship with relationships
You told me previously that your relationship with your mom is your greatest love story and has inspired much of your work—can you tell me more about that? And is there a lesson you’ll always keep that you’ve learned from your mom?
There's a different kind of initiation when roles are reversed in the parent-child relationship I knew at some point it was going to happen to me I mean to all of us it's just natural I just didn't expect for it to come sooner. I was really navigating blind through it because I was so young when I had to move back home and be with my mom and kind of take responsibility for certain things. I say that she's one of my life's greatest love stories because my mom really opened my heart in the last decade.
She's been championing a rare neurodegenerative disease with so much desire and humor that I can't help but just be so grateful to be allowed to see layers of her unfold. It feels like being able to watch her go through her life in the last ten years I can liken to her giving birth to me all over again. It feels like as she's going through her own battles I am also becoming another person myself, being born into another kind of life.
Recently I read this Believer interview with Andrew Garfield wherein he says "And sons have been losing their mothers for thousands and thousands of years, and they will continue to, and you’ve just been initiated into that awareness and into that reality. Some illusion has been lifted. You’re in a real-er version of the world now, and it’s painful", and having read that kind of felt like being punched in the gut but in a very sobering way. I'm still learning a lot from my mom up until this day but if there's anything I have been patiently trying to learn from our shared experience is that our capacity for grief is only a direct measure of our ability to love. When you're always outlining the edges of death and asking it for more time you're actually moving closer to the depths of love and the magnitude of how that feels like.
When relationships end—romantic or not—we grieve that connection and the version of ourselves that we lost with it. How has this been like for you? Letting go of friendships and romantic relationships?
If we're lucky we're allowed to witness a hundred deaths of the person we love but this rarely happens. When I was younger I was very sentimental about my relationships–– I was always freefalling until I would hit the surface. It was hard for me to let go of my relationships because my ego was always stubborn about the work and attention that I put into a relationship for it to fail. So even after the end of a relationship, I would bask in it, but now it feels different and a lot has shifted in me.
I no longer want to be sentimental and always look back on what I had because I am much more looking forward to the idea of crossing paths with new people in the time I have left in this world. I want to make the best out of it and I don't want to be the kind of person who's always glorifying the things that once took place. The possibility of desiring again and being desired again or taking care of someone and being taken care of in ways I can only imagine excites me more and this world of thought helps me move forward.
On your relationship with yourself
You’ve recently just ended your Saturn Return; how was that chapter like to you? How do you feel coming into this new version of yourself? What lessons did you learn and unlearn?
When I learned about Saturn Return which is supposedly really learning your life's important lessons and one of the hardest periods in your life (they say it can happen twice or thrice in your lifetime) I was f*cking hyped about it.
I remember getting a Saturn tattoo to kind of initiate and welcome it. Though of course life was kind of already happening for me and I wasn't aware that I was already in my Saturn Return. I even thought I had years left of it and then, surprisingly, when we had that conversation we found out that I was almost done. I just feel glad. That's it.
Somehow I know I did my best in that period because It literally felt like a Sisyphean cycle. It was one hell of a growing rock rolling over me. Now that it's over I don't think the difficulties will just magically vanish. I just know that the last years have changed me and it will water down the experience of learning and unlearning if I say that I am this new version of me that feels more like "this and that" because I learned "so and so" I just know now that I don't want to run away from the circumstance I've been dealt with and so this period of having gone through my Saturn Return feels like where it begins again.
You know how when a song climaxes and then suddenly there's a loud silence? Then the song goes on again and you're kind of relieved to hear the voice of the singer, that's exactly how I feel right now. God, it feels fucking good to be singing again.
We often forget to pat ourselves in the back when we do great things, or we constantly look for the next big thing. But at this moment, what are you most proud of? And how do you celebrate yourself?
This muscle inside of me still stubbornly beating. I'm fucking proud of it. I guess this whole covid era got us all feeling so intensely, so much loss and grief and yearning in such a short amount of time. Some days to be able to just see the day through is exhausting but to wake up and say, okay let's do it one more time and do it with a bastardly grin on my face. It just feels so good to be alive, doesn't it?
Wasn’t that the best? Wait until you hear our 2-hour long conversation that I’ll be posting here when the time is right.
✳︎ Some prompts for February:
When was the last time you felt completely aligned with yourself?
Is there any relationship(s) in your life that requires attention?
What has been inspiring you lately?
✳︎ Been watching barista videos because I’ve been creating lectures and scheduling training for our baristas. I’ve been enjoying watching her kill rushes by herself!
✳︎ We all could use a Grouphug, don’t you think?
✳︎ Super love Hall & Oates' Rich Girl and The Bird and The Bee’s rendition. But I love this yummy version, too.
✳︎ I binged the first two seasons of The Morning Show, and I loved it. I can’t wait for the third season.
✳︎ A conversation.
✳︎ Another conversation that was mentioned earlier in the newsletter.
✳︎ When I listen to this, it feels like my life can turn at any time. A friend also told me they used this track in Malcolm and Marie.
✳︎ My friend and I were on a zoom call date one time and he just shared beautiful songs that night and I was just smiling on the screen just listening to this.
✳︎ A film.
✳︎ Art.
✳︎ Photographs.
Next month is my birthday month! Will she do another long-form interview? Will she take a rest? Will she do something different for the newsletter? Who knows.
See you next month (or the next)? You’ll find out.
Thank you again for spending time with me. 🙂
Take it easy,
Gia
I have a “New Year Tradition” — I’d clean my room, get drunk before New Year’s, wear new clothes, watch all the Harry Potter movies, and aggressively write my goals/resolutions. But this year, I decided to scratch all that.
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I’ve always been a routine girl; I still kinda am—I have my to-do lists, meticulously-timed reminders, and Notion pages. But towards the end of last year, I felt that my routines (because I held on to it so firmly) actually contributed to my burnout.
I would feel bad if I didn’t do certain tasks, and I even think that this fueled my perfectionism—I didn’t want make mistakes at all. I had this false idea that if I followed my routines, everything will be perfect. I was obviously so wrong.
I’m not gonna let go of my routine completely; I just need to be more chill about it. No pressure, no pressure.
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If there’s anything 2021 taught me (and, sure, 2020, too), it’s to not hold on so tightly to a specific outcome. Instead, have an idea of what you want, shout it to the universe, and just free-fall into the abyss. And while I’m at it, while I’m falling into the unknown, I’ll make a conscious effort to pick up even the tiniest milestones along the way.
Holding on to big goals made me forget about my small wins. It made me forget that the magic of dreams and goals is found in the smallest details — finally ticking off a task you’ve been resisting, finally responding to that email, or even resting.
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I read somewhere that the process is the point, and I have to keep telling that to myself. It’s not really about how you reach a certain goal—the goal should be the bonus; the meat is how you carry yourself throughout the whole journey.
Maybe, this year, I’m going to try to squeeze out of my cocoon, maybe I won’t… we’ll see.
I’m so happy to have connected with Lala for this month’s newsletter. I won’t say too much because she was kind enough to get vulnerable and to share her story with us, and it’s best if you learn more about her in her own words.
1. Where are you at the moment? What do you see, hear, and smell? Are you learning something? What's keeping your hands busy?
I'm home in La Union—physically & emotionally. I can see & smell the monggo beans on my left while I write this. Naririnig ko yung mga ibon, cats na nagmmeow asking for food, nararamdaman ko yung cramps sa puson ko because first day :(
Today, ang dami ko nalist on my to-do list. But I suddenly felt like doing nothing. And okay lang yun. My first day of shedding always feels like this, and I'm just letting my day unfold.
I'm learning how to surf (finally!) these past few days. I'm learning how to be patient. I'm learning how to save money haha! After months of not trying, I finally tried to do a headstand and was surprised how I could still do it. Yay!
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2. Before moving to LU and starting Burt Select Shop, what was your life like, and what pushed you to take this big step?
I was working as an architect in Manila. Nagwork ako in a small design studio so pag binigyan ako ng project, I handle everything ( design - construction - site visits - client). WFH [set-up] & pandemic really pushed my limits kasi ang hirap hanapin yung boundary ng work & personal life at home.
I don't have my own room. I live with my family. 9-5 job. Stress. Anxiety. Maliit na sweldo. I've been going back and forth for the past 4 yrs dito sa La Union because of Troy (my partner hihi). Nagmove siya dito four years ago so I visit him OFTEN. haha!
I stay here for a week, a month, or every month. Sobrang na-amazed ako by how slow and simple life is here. During one of my visits here, I suddenly felt like this is really the life I want. Troy also asked me if I felt that way. Every time I visit here, I feel like I can do so much. I feel like a big person. I feel heard. I feel like I’m home. (waa naiiyak ako ~ hahaha)
Sa Manila kasi, for me, everything is so fast. Ang daming competition. Ang daming nangyayari. Ang daming energy na nagbbounce everywhere na I can't even move. Nafeel ko nastuck ako sa system and sa routine na ginagawa ko for the past years. I'm grateful na i became aware kung paano and kanino ko genuinely ibibigay yung energy ko.
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3. Did you come up with an elaborate plan before going to LU, or did you just let things fall into place? How did this feel like for you?
Hmmm, it was [an act of] collective courage for the past three years. Hindi siya madaling step. It took me years to get here. Had I moved years ago, feel ko hindi ako nakasurvive dito or walang Burt, or I don’t know, who knows, but I'm sure it wouldn't look like this at the present moment.
I'm literally financially unstable because (ugh Archi sweldo :( ) and ininvest ko yung savings ko for Burt because creating a ~business~ here will allow me to ~live~ here.
No elaborate plans haha! Hindi din talaga ako nagpplan with my life eversince honestly haha! Gusto ko lang talaga umalis na sa Manila. Umalis na sa work. Mawala na yung anxiety because hindi na sya healthy for me. No savings. No plans. Malakas lang loob ko to resign kasi I started burt with no idea kung magiging successful ba yung burt. (but of course u wouldn’t start something if u dont see it's potential, right?) I just knew I needed to survive literally and mentally. It just pays to know what kind of life I would like to live for the next days, weeks & years, so taking that ~courage~ would be easier. Simple at mabagal na buhay lang talaga.
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4. There's a huge contrast between what you used to do and what you're doing now. Amid all that, what do you think has stayed the same? And what changes are you embracing?
Oh, after I resigned, there were days when I felt like I had to do so much in a day. I felt like kailangan ko siya tapusin lahat within the day. So nagaarise yung anxiety ko because baka hindi ko sya matapos. Yung work ko kasi before was like that—deadlines are insane, and you have bosses to "please." Soooobrang iba nya now because I handle my own time now. I'm not working for someone; I'm working for myself. And I'm really grateful that this place allows me to be mindful of what I do. Whenever maffeel ko yung habit energy na yun na nagaarise, I always ask myself back to the reason why I moved here.
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5. Slowing down allows you to be more present, and I see that with your posts—you're being/learning how to be more intentional with the way you live. What made you take this shift, or have you always been this way?
Yoga! For me, I think yoga is more than just a physical practice. From someone who previously worked in Makati, parang lahat is fast-paced. Lahat nagmamadali from one place to another. Deadlines here and there. Being in front of the computer the whole day. I always make sure na magyyoga ako after work.
Being consistent with my practice taught me more than just breathing, proper posture but spiritually. Yoga allows me to be aware of my whole body during the practice and nadadala ko siya outside of my mat. At random times, napapansin ko how I put so much tension on my body - eyebrows, clench ng jaws, fingertips, toes.
Being aware makes me loosen up and let go of these tensions na naapply ko sa daily life ko. Dito talaga siya nagstart and I wasn't like this—3 yrs, 2 yrs ago, a month ago, a week ago—it has always been a journey of learning how to be mindful every day! And I think nourishing myself comes before I share it with everyone, so yung posts talaga sa burt is really a framework of ourselves hihi.
6. What's your relationship like with routines and making plans? I personally like to plan, but I'm having difficulty dealing with the monotony of routines (even if it helps me).
Well, nagbago lahat when I moved here! Here, it feels like ang laki ng mundo. Ang daming pwedeng gawin. Ang daming opportunities to be a better person or learn new things everyday. So even if may routine ako in mind, ang daming events / happenings na dadating na nabbreak yun, but i don't mind. I like having variety sa everyday life ko. Ganun naman ako eversince. Gusto ko ng laging may bagong itry. Bagong puntahan. Bagong matutunan. And that made me like this place more. I can do routines pero iuupgrade ko lang sya everyday haha!
✳︎ Some prompts for the New Year:
Instead of listing resolutions and goals, what lessons did you learn in 2021 that will change the way you navigate the new year? Here are some of mine:
It’s okay to ask for help — from your friends, partner, or even at work.
Don’t take rest for granted.
Invest in yourself. Buy stuff that you want or talk to a financial planner — if it serves you, then it’s good for you.
Reach out to people — reply to stories, reconnect with old friends, etc.
It’s okay to do things slowly. You don’t have to be on your feet all the time.
What is your word for this new year? (I’m still thinking of mine… But please let me know yours!)
✳︎ Speaking of doing things slowly, I’m slowly reading this book.
✳︎ No joke. This is my favorite video of 2021. Actually, definitely, yeah.
✳︎ Over the holiday break, I started watching Dickinson, and I didn’t think I’d enjoy it so much!
✳︎ I totally forgot about this song, and I’ve been listening to it every day since I rediscovered it.
✳︎ I mentioned earlier that one of the things I learned was to really invest in myself. And one of the big things I did was talk to a financial planner. I 110% recommend reaching out to Mariel of Simply Finance. (Let her know I sent you!)
✳︎ Manifesting my own space so I can get stuff from Burt Select Shop! *Fingers crossed*
✳︎ Some YouTubers:
Malama Life • Mindfulness, Minimalism, Slow Living
Hitomi Mochizuki & Leah’s Fieldnotes (G: I watch them, too!)
Heal Your Living • Mindfulness, Sustainability, Minimalism, Wellness
Isabel Paige (G: Should I live in the mountains?)
✳︎ Some book recos:
Essentialism by Greg Mckeown (G: I have a digital—I should probs read it this year)
✳︎ BTS. (G: Yes. Same.)
Thank you so much for being here. 😌 And thank you so much for supporting my little passion project and for sitting with me and my thoughts.
2022 will be different. I feel it! It’s also because I saw this jeepney on the first day of the year:
I know we’re going through a lot as a collective, but I’m virtually holding your hand through this. It’s scary, but we’ll be okay.
Coffee cheers to the new year,
Gia
I'm candid about my resistance to endings. I love jumping into new things and starting new projects, but I freeze when I think about endings.
I know endings are good for me, and that ~something has to end for something to begin~, but my default is to always look for a way to make things work. And to be honest, this is an unhealthy pattern that I am trying to unlearn.
My god, this pattern made me stay in toxic relationships, stay in a job for years (even if I knew very well I wasn't valued), and stick to patterns because of the comfort of familiarity.
But lately, I've been reflecting on how I've been handling endings, and I think I might have a much healthier relationship with it now.
Note: I'm not jumping up and down and welcoming the whole concept with arms wide open, okay? But unlike before, I just let it happen.
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I think I started trying to be more gentle with endings a few years ago when I was going through a break-up—it was a giant tower moment for me. It didn't only shake the relationship side of things, but it also affected my career, goals, and other relationships in my life.
I remember thinking that I needed to be patient with myself because I had bigger plans for "single” me. And I'm so happy I had this mindset then because when I looked back at my journals and playlists at that time, they were so hopeful. Literally, my playlists were full of hopeful songs. When I look back at it now, that break-up was actually the best thing that happened to me. (Thank U, Next, indeed — best believe I cried one afternoon listening to this song)
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Like I said earlier, I'm trying to approach endings with gentleness and accepting the fact that it's not easy, but it's good.
So, when I feel that I'm about to face an ending or there's one that's approaching, I ask myself if this situation/person/idea/project fills my cups, and if it doesn't then, I try to allow myself to release it. When I find myself holding on to it more, I know it's my ego and my pride talking, but when I decide to face myself and surrender, I feel much lighter and more myself. (This is something I’m trying to learn every day).
I'm trying to look at endings now as an opportunity for me to start again with more clarity. By embracing redirection, I transform and grow, and I find this thought very comforting. When I say this to myself, I trust the fall and land softly on my feet.
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2021 is about to end in a few weeks—maybe you achieved goals, perhaps you didn't, maybe you ended a relationship, or left a job; either way, be gentle with yourself.
Endings are wins, too, you know? Because you get to start again.
When I was thinking of who I should connect with for this topic, I instantly thought of my friend Ina. She’s going through her own transitions with grace, force, and sureness, and I’m so excited to see where this new adventure will take her.
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When I was thinking of the theme for December, I immediately thought of endings and beginnings and I knew I was supposed to talk to you about this. I think it's safe to say that you're going through some big transitions in your life—where do you think you are at the moment? What are these big changes?
I honestly feel like I'm currently in the purgatory of my late 20s. Hahaha, like what you've said, I'm going through these big, big, BIG changes in my life but it also feels like I'm still preparing myself for much bigger things ahead. Pre-pandemic Ina wouldn't have even imagined I'd go through these things ALL at the same time. To be specific, I recently just left a long-term relationship and I also just moved out. I'm still 11 minutes away from my home but still... I'm now here in my new place, alone.
You just moved out of your home and you're living alone! Congratulations! In some way, you've closed a chapter of your life and started a new one, how does it feel?
It's been four days since I've moved in and I'm still tired from all the emotional, mental, and physical labor I had to go through for this move. Very much taxing but at the same time I know I've reached a milestone in my life. I do miss Nori (my dog) a lot and I've already broken down once because of it. But I've been sheltered and taken care of my whole life and it feels refreshing (and challenging) to take care of things on my own. Like how I've justified my decision to my family, as the spoiled sibling / child, I truly believe I need to do this for my own sake.
I'm only reflecting on it now as I answer this because I haven't had the time to fully think about the change and I feel like I deserve a pat on the back (by myself, not a mumu. Help, why did I think of that).
What is your relationship with endings and beginnings?
I've always believed that endings and beginnings are everywhere and are inevitable. Every decision you make for the day is already either an ending or a beginning of a thing. Does that make sense? Haha. Cos how I see it, life tricks you into thinking that choices are just options in situations but in reality those choices are endings and beginnings of things.
How did the past year change you? Did you think you'd be where are you now? What was serving you then but isn't serving you now?
I feel like the pandemic purged a lot of unnecessary stuff for me—material things, activities, and even relationships. It narrowed down what I really needed and wanted in my life. It made me realize that if another pandemic were to ensue (hopefully the fuck not anymore), I want to be with people I can rely on, surrounded by things that will help me get through hell, and be able to do activities that would and could keep my body, mind, and soul healthy.
I'm still in the process of perfecting how to set my boundaries but I learned that I shouldn't give so much of myself to things that don't add value to my life and people who won't put any effort to match my energy. From here on, I want only what's best for me (in a selfless won't-hurt-people-around-me kind of way).
There is discomfort in change, but how do you want to change or grow into this new ~you~ you are currently forming?
As someone who went through the pains of being an associate in a cut-throat industry, I always cheered myself on by believing that "I want to become great at what I do so I have to go through these." The same way I want to be an adult who can Actually Do Things™ independently, I believe that I have to learn things on my own so I could be a better person and fulfill my dreams in the future. Sounds cheesy to some but being able to make your dreams come true is such a rewarding feeling!
What are you looking forward to the most?
Finally, finally, FINALLY, having the physical and mental space and time to THINK of personal projects. Hahaha, I don't even have anything yet in mind, so I have to think of it first before I get to work on it.
❃ Some journal prompts that helped me recently:
Is there something in your life that needs to end? Are you resisting this? Why?
What proactive steps can you take to allow this to unfold?
Are you being gentle with yourself during this change? Do you feel supported?
❃ I’m sad about Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural ending. I binged watched all seasons last month.
❃ A book that I think of when I think about endings.
❃ This song. If I were to create a soundtrack for my life, this would be part of it. I remember crying to this song while driving, walking along Han River, smoking on our balcony, at the parking lot of Molito, etc. I would listen to this song at my lowest, and listening to it again… is... wow.
Thank you again for subscribing, sharing, and reading ‘til the end.
Have a great Christmas! See you next month.
🤎,
Gia
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