002 - 🪶 - Free Falling • Loose Planning
My segurista self is shaking because I'm sayin no to ~resolutions~
I have a “New Year Tradition” — I’d clean my room, get drunk before New Year’s, wear new clothes, watch all the Harry Potter movies, and aggressively write my goals/resolutions. But this year, I decided to scratch all that.
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I’ve always been a routine girl; I still kinda am—I have my to-do lists, meticulously-timed reminders, and Notion pages. But towards the end of last year, I felt that my routines (because I held on to it so firmly) actually contributed to my burnout.
I would feel bad if I didn’t do certain tasks, and I even think that this fueled my perfectionism—I didn’t want make mistakes at all. I had this false idea that if I followed my routines, everything will be perfect. I was obviously so wrong.
I’m not gonna let go of my routine completely; I just need to be more chill about it. No pressure, no pressure.
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If there’s anything 2021 taught me (and, sure, 2020, too), it’s to not hold on so tightly to a specific outcome. Instead, have an idea of what you want, shout it to the universe, and just free-fall into the abyss. And while I’m at it, while I’m falling into the unknown, I’ll make a conscious effort to pick up even the tiniest milestones along the way.
Holding on to big goals made me forget about my small wins. It made me forget that the magic of dreams and goals is found in the smallest details — finally ticking off a task you’ve been resisting, finally responding to that email, or even resting.
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I read somewhere that the process is the point, and I have to keep telling that to myself. It’s not really about how you reach a certain goal—the goal should be the bonus; the meat is how you carry yourself throughout the whole journey.
Maybe, this year, I’m going to try to squeeze out of my cocoon, maybe I won’t… we’ll see.
I’m so happy to have connected with Lala for this month’s newsletter. I won’t say too much because she was kind enough to get vulnerable and to share her story with us, and it’s best if you learn more about her in her own words.
1. Where are you at the moment? What do you see, hear, and smell? Are you learning something? What's keeping your hands busy?
I'm home in La Union—physically & emotionally. I can see & smell the monggo beans on my left while I write this. Naririnig ko yung mga ibon, cats na nagmmeow asking for food, nararamdaman ko yung cramps sa puson ko because first day :(
Today, ang dami ko nalist on my to-do list. But I suddenly felt like doing nothing. And okay lang yun. My first day of shedding always feels like this, and I'm just letting my day unfold.
I'm learning how to surf (finally!) these past few days. I'm learning how to be patient. I'm learning how to save money haha! After months of not trying, I finally tried to do a headstand and was surprised how I could still do it. Yay!
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2. Before moving to LU and starting Burt Select Shop, what was your life like, and what pushed you to take this big step?
I was working as an architect in Manila. Nagwork ako in a small design studio so pag binigyan ako ng project, I handle everything ( design - construction - site visits - client). WFH [set-up] & pandemic really pushed my limits kasi ang hirap hanapin yung boundary ng work & personal life at home.
I don't have my own room. I live with my family. 9-5 job. Stress. Anxiety. Maliit na sweldo. I've been going back and forth for the past 4 yrs dito sa La Union because of Troy (my partner hihi). Nagmove siya dito four years ago so I visit him OFTEN. haha!
I stay here for a week, a month, or every month. Sobrang na-amazed ako by how slow and simple life is here. During one of my visits here, I suddenly felt like this is really the life I want. Troy also asked me if I felt that way. Every time I visit here, I feel like I can do so much. I feel like a big person. I feel heard. I feel like I’m home. (waa naiiyak ako ~ hahaha)
Sa Manila kasi, for me, everything is so fast. Ang daming competition. Ang daming nangyayari. Ang daming energy na nagbbounce everywhere na I can't even move. Nafeel ko nastuck ako sa system and sa routine na ginagawa ko for the past years. I'm grateful na i became aware kung paano and kanino ko genuinely ibibigay yung energy ko.
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3. Did you come up with an elaborate plan before going to LU, or did you just let things fall into place? How did this feel like for you?
Hmmm, it was [an act of] collective courage for the past three years. Hindi siya madaling step. It took me years to get here. Had I moved years ago, feel ko hindi ako nakasurvive dito or walang Burt, or I don’t know, who knows, but I'm sure it wouldn't look like this at the present moment.
I'm literally financially unstable because (ugh Archi sweldo :( ) and ininvest ko yung savings ko for Burt because creating a ~business~ here will allow me to ~live~ here.
No elaborate plans haha! Hindi din talaga ako nagpplan with my life eversince honestly haha! Gusto ko lang talaga umalis na sa Manila. Umalis na sa work. Mawala na yung anxiety because hindi na sya healthy for me. No savings. No plans. Malakas lang loob ko to resign kasi I started burt with no idea kung magiging successful ba yung burt. (but of course u wouldn’t start something if u dont see it's potential, right?) I just knew I needed to survive literally and mentally. It just pays to know what kind of life I would like to live for the next days, weeks & years, so taking that ~courage~ would be easier. Simple at mabagal na buhay lang talaga.
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4. There's a huge contrast between what you used to do and what you're doing now. Amid all that, what do you think has stayed the same? And what changes are you embracing?
Oh, after I resigned, there were days when I felt like I had to do so much in a day. I felt like kailangan ko siya tapusin lahat within the day. So nagaarise yung anxiety ko because baka hindi ko sya matapos. Yung work ko kasi before was like that—deadlines are insane, and you have bosses to "please." Soooobrang iba nya now because I handle my own time now. I'm not working for someone; I'm working for myself. And I'm really grateful that this place allows me to be mindful of what I do. Whenever maffeel ko yung habit energy na yun na nagaarise, I always ask myself back to the reason why I moved here.
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5. Slowing down allows you to be more present, and I see that with your posts—you're being/learning how to be more intentional with the way you live. What made you take this shift, or have you always been this way?
Yoga! For me, I think yoga is more than just a physical practice. From someone who previously worked in Makati, parang lahat is fast-paced. Lahat nagmamadali from one place to another. Deadlines here and there. Being in front of the computer the whole day. I always make sure na magyyoga ako after work.
Being consistent with my practice taught me more than just breathing, proper posture but spiritually. Yoga allows me to be aware of my whole body during the practice and nadadala ko siya outside of my mat. At random times, napapansin ko how I put so much tension on my body - eyebrows, clench ng jaws, fingertips, toes.
Being aware makes me loosen up and let go of these tensions na naapply ko sa daily life ko. Dito talaga siya nagstart and I wasn't like this—3 yrs, 2 yrs ago, a month ago, a week ago—it has always been a journey of learning how to be mindful every day! And I think nourishing myself comes before I share it with everyone, so yung posts talaga sa burt is really a framework of ourselves hihi.
6. What's your relationship like with routines and making plans? I personally like to plan, but I'm having difficulty dealing with the monotony of routines (even if it helps me).
Well, nagbago lahat when I moved here! Here, it feels like ang laki ng mundo. Ang daming pwedeng gawin. Ang daming opportunities to be a better person or learn new things everyday. So even if may routine ako in mind, ang daming events / happenings na dadating na nabbreak yun, but i don't mind. I like having variety sa everyday life ko. Ganun naman ako eversince. Gusto ko ng laging may bagong itry. Bagong puntahan. Bagong matutunan. And that made me like this place more. I can do routines pero iuupgrade ko lang sya everyday haha!
A Little Bit of EverythingEverything
✳︎ Some prompts for the New Year:
Instead of listing resolutions and goals, what lessons did you learn in 2021 that will change the way you navigate the new year? Here are some of mine:
It’s okay to ask for help — from your friends, partner, or even at work.
Don’t take rest for granted.
Invest in yourself. Buy stuff that you want or talk to a financial planner — if it serves you, then it’s good for you.
Reach out to people — reply to stories, reconnect with old friends, etc.
It’s okay to do things slowly. You don’t have to be on your feet all the time.
What is your word for this new year? (I’m still thinking of mine… But please let me know yours!)
✳︎ Speaking of doing things slowly, I’m slowly reading this book.
✳︎ No joke. This is my favorite video of 2021. Actually, definitely, yeah.
✳︎ Over the holiday break, I started watching Dickinson, and I didn’t think I’d enjoy it so much!
✳︎ I totally forgot about this song, and I’ve been listening to it every day since I rediscovered it.
✳︎ I mentioned earlier that one of the things I learned was to really invest in myself. And one of the big things I did was talk to a financial planner. I 110% recommend reaching out to Mariel of Simply Finance. (Let her know I sent you!)
✳︎ Manifesting my own space so I can get stuff from Burt Select Shop! *Fingers crossed*
A Little Bit of Lala’s EverythingEverything at the Moment
✳︎ Some YouTubers:
Malama Life • Mindfulness, Minimalism, Slow Living
Hitomi Mochizuki & Leah’s Fieldnotes (G: I watch them, too!)
Heal Your Living • Mindfulness, Sustainability, Minimalism, Wellness
Isabel Paige (G: Should I live in the mountains?)
✳︎ Some book recos:
Essentialism by Greg Mckeown (G: I have a digital—I should probs read it this year)
✳︎ BTS. (G: Yes. Same.)
Thank you so much for being here. 😌 And thank you so much for supporting my little passion project and for sitting with me and my thoughts.
2022 will be different. I feel it! It’s also because I saw this jeepney on the first day of the year:
I know we’re going through a lot as a collective, but I’m virtually holding your hand through this. It’s scary, but we’ll be okay.
Coffee cheers to the new year,
Gia